


Upgrade

by villager_bxx



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Communication Failure, Feelings Realization, First Meetings, First Relationship, Friends to Lovers, Love Confessions, M/M, Online Friendship, Online Relationship, really dumb confession
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-17
Updated: 2018-02-17
Packaged: 2019-03-20 06:21:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13711707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/villager_bxx/pseuds/villager_bxx
Summary: littlegiant10: hey!! your blog was recommended to me so I checked in outlittlegiant10: your cats really cute!!!Kenma gets a new follower and things get out of hand from there





	Upgrade

 

**littlegiant10: hey!! your blog was recommended to me so I checked in out**

**littlegiant10: your cats really cute!!!**

 

A new follower, Kenma could ignore. A new message via the scarcely used messaging system from said new follower was something else.

He contemplated just leaving it unanswered. It wasn’t like the website had read receipts or anything. And with all the technical difficulties it frequently faced, acting as if littlegiant10’s message was never received wasn’t out of the question. Though doing that might lead to them re-sending it for Kenma to face another time and he had a hunch judging by their excitable way of typing that’d be exactly what would happen. It was easier to just get it over with already.

 

**applepii: it’s not mine**

 

The reply is almost instantaneous.

 

**littlegiant10: OoO REALLY??**

 

Kenma frowns, just how old was this person? They seemed to write like a middle schooler who’d just gotten their first computer.

 

**applepii: yeah she’s my friend’s**

 

He pauses, fingers hovering over the keyboard, contemplating on whether it would be smart to say more. Even with his closest friends Kenma rarely ever double typed it chats. He much preferred to get straight to the point to finish the conversation quicker. Something about this random person that messaged him out of the blue though made him reconsider that.

Before he could overthink it, Kenma wrote out and sent another sentence.

 

**applepii: he can’t ever get a good picture of her though like I can so I do it instead to spite him**

 

A moment passes on into minutes and Kenma closes the chat window, assuming the conversations died off. _That was that_ , he thinks opening another tab to browse on.

Kenma makes a little mental note to himself to check out littlegiant10’s blog later.

 

* * *

 

He completely forgets about the messages by the time the sudden swooping alert noise startles Kenma into nearly falling off his bed.

There’s a little blue one notification over a smiling chat bubble and he can’t help but feel like the default cheerful expression is mocking him somehow. Hesitantly, Kenma clicks on it half expecting it to be a spam bot or a virus account and not the late response from his new follower.

 

**littlegiant10: haha! sounds like something I’d do to kageyama!**

**littlegiant10: He’s my setter and I guess we’re kinda friends now? lmao**

 

Kenma’s got no clue what that’s supposed to mean but he goes along with it instead of questioning it.

 

**applepii: so you play volleyball?**

 

An annoyingly Kuroo-like voice in his head comments in shock at Kenma’s use of proper punctuation.

 

**littlegiant10 HECK YEAH I DO**

**littlegiant10: WAIT DO YOU PLAY??!!??**

**littlegiant10: OMG ARE YOU A SPIKER!??**

 

He should just stop replying. Whoever this is clearly could hold a conversation with themselves without any input from Kenma.

 

**applepii: setter actually**

 

Another string of excited replies come in and if a subdued fond smile happens to make its way on his face no one needs to know.

 

* * *

 

littlegiant10 is an incredibly open person. With just a few conversations Kenma already knows what grade he’s in, the fact that he even is a he, and that apparently his username came from a player who inspired him to play volleyball in the first place. He’s honestly surprised that he didn’t spill his name on accident by now if anything.

The thought that Kenma even wants to know that about him is startling. He’s never taken to anyone this easily. Ever. Something about this guy though, now mutual after having browsed through some of the posts on his blog, made it so easy to talk to him about anything and everything if Kenma allowed it.

He ignores the annoying Kuroo voice in his head chiding that it’s probably got something to do with the fact that while browsing his blog Kenma had found a badly taken blurry selfie of a cute redhead with his cheeks puffed out with a bite of food stuffed in his mouth judging by the bitten into meat bun he was holding in the same hand that was throwing up a peace sign at the camera. In the background is an even more so blurred image of an angry looking boy who looks like he’s about to hit him. The caption reads; _captain treated us to meat buns after practice!!_

There’s no reason Kenma should be finding the terrible picture endearing in any way but just from the few words they’ve exchanged, the fact that it just screamed _him_ made it just that.

It doesn’t take him long to come to the conclusion that neither Kuroo or any of his teammates should know about this less he want to be teased mercilessly about having found a friend of his own volition. If you could even call it that seeing as it really wasn’t him who took the initiative in the first place.

Surprisingly enough it takes a week for him to find out littlegiant10’s name is Shoyo.

 

* * *

 

They’ve been talking for a few weeks now and Kenma’s gotten used to Shoyo’s constant stream of messages throughout the day. He wasn’t wrong when he assumed that Shoyo could continue an entire conversation on his own, usually short one word replies are all he needs from Kenma to keep it going. It doesn’t feel awkward either when there’s a sudden stop or long break between their conversations, the next time they talk it’s like there wasn’t any break at all- something Kenma’s secretly glad for because while Shoyo can get easily distracted and leave a message go unanswered for hours on end, Kenma’s just as likely to get over invested in a game and lose track of time before replying.

According to Kuroo the new addition to his life is obvious since he’s been called out multiple times by the older boy for smiling at his phone and being in a better mood than usual. Even if he argued that that wasn’t the case, Kenma could hardly deny that Shoyo had a way of brightening up his day in the simplest of ways. At this point he doubted that Shoyo was even aware of the effect he had on him.

At the three month mark of when they’d first talked to one another is when Shoyo began acting strange. They’d since upgraded from just chatting via blog messaging to having audio calls almost every week. Sometimes if neither of them were busy, they’d have one every night for a few days until their regular schedules got in the way again.

It was at Kenma’s request to keep their calls to audio only for the time being. The thought of speaking to Shoyo somewhat face to face made his stomach tighten uncomfortably, putting his nerves on edge to the point where Kenma had to sit down to calm the queasy feeling that’d overtake him. The worst part was that he didn’t even know why this was happening. It was just Shoyo after all. The same Shoyo who had gotten tangled up in his little sister’s jump rope one time for an hour and frequently took a volleyball to the face more than any other way, there was nothing inherently intimidating about him in the slightest. So what was it about a simple video call that effected Kenma so much?

Whatever it was, Kenma didn’t want to face it and for as long as he could. If possible, he’d avoid it. A part of him didn’t want to though. So when Shoyo’s replies begin to take a little longer and his misspellings and random capitalizations lessen, Kenma grew concerned to say the least. Nothing for as long as the two of them had begun talking to one another had ever shaken Shoyo’s constant boundless energy and seeing something interrupt it made him… Angry? Confused? Scared? Something of the sort that all Kenma really knew for certain about it was that he wanted to have it stop already so that Shoyo could go back to the way he usually was.

A terribly worded message gets sent to him one day, asking why it is Kenma never wanted to have a video call. Judging by the way Shoyo had sent a keyboard smash of gibberish after and a sudden spam of posts he thought Kenma would like (even a few of his own), it was most likely sent on accident. He was never more glad for the fact that the application didn’t have read receipts then because he didn’t have an answer. Kenma wasn’t just going to avoid the question either since it’d probably come back to him eventually. Plus, this was Shoyo, if anyone would be understanding of his uncertainty he liked to think that Shoyo would be able to.

So with as much courage as he was able to have, he tells him what he thinks sounds like the truth.

 

**applepii: I’ve never done it before so id probably do something dumb forgetting you can see me**

 

 **littlegiant10: whaaaaat?? THATS WHAT YOU WERE WORRIED ABOUT??**  
**littlegiant10: Kenma I do stupid things on video all the time I don’t think you gotta worry bout that!**

 

There’s a full blown smile on his face according to Kuroo after reading that.

 

* * *

 

Whoever came up with the idea that when people get nervous they feel like they have butterflies in their stomach, Kenma decides, is an idiot. The feeling is nothing like butterflies. If Kenma was good at analogies, which he’s not really outside of those relating to video games, he’d sooner compare it to the feeling of someone wringing out a wet towel. Uncomfortable, tight, and if dread was a liquid then that’d be exactly what would be sopping from him because he was feeling everything but irritating flutters on the inside. Shoyo had convinced him to have their first video call that evening and the amount of times Kenma had to remind himself of their previous conversation about his issues with it was uncountable. The words ‘it’s just Shoyo, you’ll be fine’ kept repeating in his mind like a mantra, giving him temporary solace before the thought arose that it was because it was Shoyo that he was acting this way ruined it.

He glanced at the clock for what seemed like the millionth time, the numbers feeling like countdown on a detonator. It wasn’t like he didn’t want to do this- not entirely at least. Kenma enjoyed his calls with Shoyo and adding video to the equation wasn’t that bad if he really thought about it. It was one of the rare times that he felt compelled to contribute to a conversation when he didn’t have to. If he could help it, Kenma would try to never miss it for anything.

Now though, as the numbers on his alarm clock ticked on towards the time they’d agreed to call, all Kenma wanted to do was turn off his computer and hide from the world. His musings didn’t do any good though as the sudden annoying incoming call tone chimed from Kenma’s discarded laptop.

Shoyo’s familiar icon (a picture of vabochan) lit up the screen waiting for Kenma to accept the call. He took in short, even breaths in an attempt to calm his nerves before shakily hitting accept. Kenma tells himself it’s just muscle memory that he accepts it as an audio call instead of turning on his webcam. That was definitely it. Not him still being nervous about Shoyo seeing him for the first time.

Even without his camera on, Kenma was still taken aback when Shoyo’s mess of red hair and wide pixelated grin took up the screen.

“Kenma! Hey!” He greeted enthusiastically, waving at him so that his hand was a laggy blur.

Forget the selfies he’d seen, Shoyo was downright adorable. In a different way than from the way Kenma found pictures of animals online and the little monster companions in some of his games were adorable, but somehow the word fit perfectly still.

Shoyo frowned, the small pout making Kenma have to bite down on his lip to keep from grinning. “Hey, didn’t you say we were gonna have a video call this time?”

He wondered if he could stay quiet. Maybe if he said nothing, Shoyo would just figure out his feelings for him and everything would be ok and not complicated like they were now. Of course it couldn’t be that easy for him, after all Shoyo wasn’t dumb but he also wasn’t always the most perceptive person either.

His little frown deepened. “You don’t want to do it anymore.” It’s a statement, even if he doesn’t know everything going on in Kenma’s head right then he can tell that much.

A strangled noise escapes Kenma’s throat instead of words. He blames the stupid not-butterflies feeling in his chest making him lose some of his well practiced cool.

Clearing his throat he tries again, voice rougher than usual. “I… no it’s not that I just…”

_I’m scared of what you’ll think of me. I don’t know if I can do this. I don’t want to mess any of this up._

“Just, give me a second ok? I’m still new to this.”

Shoyo nods understandingly. “Ok, but you know you can back out if you really don’t want to. We can just have a call like normal.” The reassuring smile he offers Kenma is so wide it forces his eyes shut and the imaginary wrung towel that is Kenma’s stomach twists even more in a different way. It’s somehow…pleasant.

Even with the almost painful bite he has on his lower lip, Kenma can’t help the small smile in return. “Thanks Shoyo but,” he freezes. But? He didn’t have a but that was it, he was completely done there wasn’t anything else to add onto that. He didn’t want to do this! Just seeing a live view of him made Kenma unbearably nervous, the thought of him being able to see Kenma’s every reaction to what effect Shoyo apparently had on him was the last thing Kenma wanted to deal with.

“I already told it it was fine if you’re nervous about things being weird. I’ll probably do something twice as dumb!” Shoyo fidgets in place, looking away from the screen. “If you really don’t wanna though it’s ok, really. I just kinda wanted to try it since I’ve never seen what you look like.”

That does it. Kenma’s not sure if it’s guilt or that he’s touched that this was so important to Shoyo but that sentiment is enough for him to mutter out a quiet 'ok’ before clicking the show video button. In the bottom right corner of the screen a little preview image of what Shoyo’s seeing appears at the same time the little green light by his webcam lights, indicating that it’s on. For a second all Kenma can focus on is his image in the corner. The lighting in his room’s not that great. It makes his bottle blonde hair reflect the light harshly and washes out the color of his pale skin making him look a little sickly.

Finally he makes himself look up at Shoyo only to find the redhead missing, a fuzzy picture of his room is the only thing in view. Kenma feels a wave of fear. Maybe he really shouldn’t have done this after all.

“Uh, Shoyo?” He calls out nervously. “Are you still there?”

Slowly, a hand pulls up the upper half of Shoyo's body into view. He’s facing away from the camera, only the top of his mess of red hair is really visible.

“Sorry!” A much more panicked version of Shoyo’s voice says. “It’s just…I didn’t think that you’d be cuter than the cat.”

Kenma stared at him wide eyed, to the point where the painful sting of them watering is his only reminder to blink. He must be on fire right now, he thinks, and nearly pats himself down to extinguish the flames. There aren’t any of course, but the amount of heat radiating from his face and making its way down through the rest of his body tells him otherwise. Kenma doesn’t even want to look at his face in the corner to see how he looks.

He wants to say something, he knows he should say something in response to Shoyo but his mind’s gone completely blank.

Luckily for him, Shoyo breaks the silence instead.

“AHH! I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to say that! It was just the first thing that I thought when you turned your video on! I mean- I did mean it I just didn’t mean to-”

Shoyo keeps on babbling out apologies, face frantic while doing so. Seeing him so panicked oddly enough calms some of Kenma’s nerves.

Instead of paying attention to the string of apologies Shoyo’s sputtering he comments, “Your face matches your hair now.”

Both of them are silent after that, red faced and thoroughly embarrassed.

They have another video call two days later when they’re able to call again.

 

* * *

 

 

Kenma getting ask messages is the most uncommon thing ever, since the previous holder of that title was taken away with his and Shoyo’s frequent chats over the site’s messager.

So when he suddenly gets one during one of his and Shoyo’s calls he’s confused to say the least. His first instinct is that it’s a spam bot trying to give him a virus by saying they had some game demo on their blog. Lev had apparently been foolish enough to click on one of those and the first year ended up needing to take his computer to get fixed for a hefty fee because of it.

What’s actually there surprises him even more.

“What’s up?” Shoyo asks as he returns, having left briefly to help his mom with something. “You’re making this really confused face.”

Kenma tries to reign in his features back to a neutral expression, failing miserably by Shoyo’s unchanged reaction. He sighs. “I got a weird question asked that’s all.”

This seems to pique Shoyo’s interest as he sits up straighter, eyes gleaming curiously. “What’s it say?”

Kenma huffs out a laugh. “Does it matter? I don’t think I’m gonna answer it.”

Shoyo frowns. “Aw come on! Is it really that bad? Besides, shouldn’t you answer if they asked you something?” He punctuates the question with a tilt of his head like a curious puppy.

Kenma bites the inside of his cheek to keep from smiling at the gesture. “Yeah, I guess, but it’s on anon anyways. It’s not like I know them.” He takes another look at the question, wondering why someone would send _this_ out of the blue. “Maybe I’ll answer it. But I doubt it’s what they’d want to hear.”

Shoyo shakes his head grinning. “No way! At least it’s an answer right?”

This time Kenma allows himself to smile back. “Yeah. I guess you’ve got a point.”

 

**Anonymous asked: how would you want someone to ask you out?**

**applepii: just hang out with me like normal and then in the middle of it ask to upgrade to the premium gay package? I don’t know I’ve never thought about it**

 

**littlegiant10: OMG WAS THAT THE ASK U WERE TALKING ABOUT???**

 

**applepii: yep**

 

**littlegiant10: LOLOLOL**

**littlegiant10: also premium gay package???**

 

 **applepii: oh yeah I couldn’t think of what to say**  
**applepii: Didn’t I ever tell you I’m pan?**

 

**littlegiant10: NO???!!**

 

**applepii: oh. Does it matter?**

 

 **littlegiant10: lol nah**  
**littlegiant10: I’m demi so**  
**littlegiant10: Even if I wasn’t why would it matter?? Ur still Kenma and super cool to talk to :)**

 

 **applepii: thanks Shoyo**  
**applepii: :3  
**

 

 **littlegiant10: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**  
**littlegiant10: STOP!!!!! BEING!!!! SO!!!!!! CUTE!!!??!!?**

 

 **applepii: ok?**  
**applepii: :3c**  
**applepii: Was that better**

 

**littlegiant10: IM DELEATING**

 

**applepii: please don’t**

 

The weird sudden ask gets forgotten after a few weeks of receiving it. The anon never came back for a follow up question and Kenma let it fall to the back of his mind as just a weird occurrence.

That is until one day during one of their regular calls that everything goes to hell.

It took a while for them to figure out how to watch movies or shows in sync online but once they did it was slowly becoming a regular reoccurrence. Shoyo had insisted that they watch a match that was being live streamed from a stadium in Kanegawa. While Kenma was rather neutral on the idea, seeing Shoyo get so excited for it made him easily susceptible to the other boy’s whims.

Even more so than in movies though, Kenma soon found out that when it came to volleyball Shoyo either got even louder than normal (with an additional extra amount of onomatopoeia being used) or unnaturally quiet. The former after a while irritated Kenma after some time but the latter, that honestly sent chills down his spine at how serious Shoyo would suddenly get. It made him wonder what the redhead was like to play against if this was how he was just watching volleyball. A part of him wanted to find out.

Everything was going fine until there was a short break to go over a certain play and Shoyo suddenly got really fidgety in the little corner of Kenma’s screen where his video was.

Kenma opened his mouth, ready to ask if he was alright when, like usual, Shoyo beat him to it.

“Hey Kenma, can I ask you something?” He said carefully, an unusual worried look on his face.

Kenma nodded. “Sure. What?”

Shoyo took a readying breath in, bracing himself for what he was about to ask. “C-can I upgrade?”

“…excuse me?”

“To, uh,” he gulped nervously “to the premium gay package?”

Oh.

_Oh._

Kenma went silent as realization dawned on him at what Shoyo just asked. He looked down, purposely covering his mouth with his hands trying to comprehend that what just happened was real. If he was more honest with himself Kenma would have acknowledged that the real reason he was hiding his face was to try and contain the huge smile that was breaking out.

The game picked up again but neither of them were paying attention anymore. Shoyo probably wanted to though, so Kenma made himself react first and give some sort of response.

He didn’t mean to start laughing.

It was more out of disbelief than anything but the confused and hurt look on Shoyo’s face quickly snapped him out of it. “I’m- I’m sorry, I just- I can’t really believe you just did that.”

Shoyo huffed indignantly. His cheeks practically glowing from how tinted red they were. “H-hey! That’s not- you’re the one who said that’s how you’d like to be asked out!”

Kenma had to bite down to stop himself from laughing again. “S-Shoyo I said that because I didn’t have an answer!” Shoyo pouted, clearly embarrassed, and Kenma decided to cut him some slack. “I guess I kinda asked for that one though. Literally.”

“No kidding you did!” Shoyo snapped back, smiling besides himself.

For a moment the regular lighthearted feel that surrounded their conversations was back. Until the silence settled and Kenma saw that Shoyo was giving him an expectant look.

“So..?” He looked at Kenma hopefully. Looking smaller than he’d ever seen Shoyo.

Kenma stilled. He had never been asked out before, let alone like this. What was he supposed to say in this situation? Better yet, why the hell was Shoyo of all people asking him? The working part of Kenma’s rationality told him to think of if he wanted to date him or not but...

There wasn’t an answer he had for that though. Shoyo was his friend. Someone he didn’t want to lose. He didn’t want to stop talking to him because they couldn’t work out something like this.

“You… You’re serious.”

Shoyo nodded shyly.

“Um,” Kenma hesitated, “I- I mean…”

 _Did_ he want to date him?

“I- I don’t know, I’ve never thought about it. Dating in general I mean.” He clarified.

“Oh, ok.” Shoyo responded quieter than he’s ever been.

Kenma’s never really been all that impulsive a person, but at that moment even with all the conflicted feelings working through his mind the words came out of his mouth before he could even think twice about it.

“But that wasn’t exactly a-” his breath hitched when a hopeful spark lit up Shoyo’s amber eyes. “what I’m trying to say is…”

Kenma looked away as he nodded mutely. Even out of the corner of his eye he could tell how elated the simple gesture made him. It must’ve been contagious much like his smiles and laughter was because soon enough Kenma couldn’t stop himself from growing more and more excited as well.

“Really?! You- that’s a yes then?” Shoyo got as close as he could to the screen.

Kenma nodded again and kept nodding, a little smile playing on his lips. Maybe this wasn’t going to be that bad. If he was able to make Shoyo so happy to have these kinds of reactions how bad could it be?

He still doesn’t have an answer to that same question two months later.

Maybe it’s because this is his first relationship but the facts were that ever since that day when Shoyo first asked him out nothing had really changed between them. The biggest change was that they’d occasionally tell each other that they loved one another and if there was some sort of feeling Kenma was supposed to feel after saying that, he wasn’t getting anything.

It wasn’t that he didn’t care for Shoyo, quite the opposite really. Shoyo had been one of his closest friends and now that they were dating and spent even more time together, he only felt closer to him. As far as looks went, Kenma had always thought that Shoyo was cute. Even now though he had no idea just exactly what kind of cute he’d initially meant. Whether it was cute like a baby animal or cute like someone he could see himself dating, Kenma still wasn’t so sure anymore.

The bottom line is, Kenma just didn’t know what the actual difference between how they were then and how they are now was. Nothing was changing between them.

So what was the point in them dating if everything was the same?

Kenma may have never dated anyone in the past and as far as he knew neither had Shoyo, so he wasn’t the person to go to when it came to these things. The only other person he knew who had any dating experience was Kuroo and that was only for a brief time in middle school with some girl who’s name he didn’t remember. So who knew how much help he’d actually be. Still, it was better than looking things up online and hoping for the best.

“Kuro what’s the difference between dating someone and just being friends with them?” it sounds stupid even to his own ears but even if he omitted the obvious things there was no guarantee that he would get the answers he needed.

There’s a teasing remark sure to come. Of course there is, it’s Kuroo after all. But after a long moment of silence Kenma realized that there wasn’t one coming. He looked up from his phone to see Kuroo gaping at him with tears brimming in his eyes.

“Kuro…?”

He sniffled dramatically, taking a moment to calm himself. “I never thought that the day would come when you would come to me for relationship advice.”

Kenma made a stink face at the big deal that was being made about the situation. He almost _wished_ that Kuroo was teasing him.

“What is it, did a lucky person finally grab your attention?” Kuroo nudged him eagerly waiting for details.

Kenma sighed. “It’s not like that. I just don’t really get what the big difference is.”

“Might want to be a bit more specific there.”

“Never mind this was useless.” Kenma groaned, turning away from him and back to his phone. No sooner than he’d done so had it been snatched from his hands.

Kuroo waved the device high above his head tauntingly. “Hey no, come on talk to me. What’s the sudden interest in relationships all of a sudden for anyhow?”

Kenma could feel the hot blush creeping up the back of his neck. Why of all people that he had to ask it just had to be Kuroo? Why not Yaku or even Tora? Alright maybe not him considering how much more embarrassing it’d probably be to ask either of them.

The main problem with asking Kuroo though was that it was practically impossible for him to get away with lying if needed. Not only was he surprisingly perceptive but Kuroo had known him since they could walk. Still, it never hurt to try.

“Someone asked me about it so I guess I’m just curious.” Kenma answered in what he hoped to be an offhand manner.

“Asked _you_? Really.”

Kenma made a noise of affirmation.

“And, would this 'person’ happen to be a certain chatty country kid?” Kenma didn’t have to look to know Kuroo was giving him a wide knowing grin as he said this.

“Bingo hmm? So the guy’s got a crush and came to you about it then?”

“ _Potential_ crush.”

“Right right, so did he say anything about this mystery person? Like how he feels about them or acts around them?”

A tight feeling not unlike how it felt the first time he had a video call with Shoyo arose at the prospect of him having a crush on someone other than Kenma. Which made no sense, after all he was just doing this to make Shoyo happy in the first place so what was wrong with someone else doing that for him?

“He didn’t really say anything specific. Other than these weird noises.” Kenma fought down the urge to smile at the memory of the cute noises Shoyo had made when complementing him in their last call.

_Thud_

He stuttered. Why did his heart pound at that? It wasn’t anything special. Just some filler moment between conversations that happened often. So why?

“You ok?” Kuroo asked, a hint of concern in his voice.

Kenma nodded mutely. “What’s the difference though? Like, if you’re friends with someone and then they start dating shouldn’t there be a change?”

Kuroo shrugged before settling back against the bed. “Not always. It really depends on the people but its only as different as the people involved want to make it.”

Only as different as they want to make it? That didn’t answer why it seemed like there was no progress being made in their relationship. It was annoying how it was quickly becoming like a tough puzzle where every time you failed it just sent you back to the same stupid checkpoint. Did he _want_ there to be progress though?

Everything was easier explained through video games, why couldn’t real life be like that?

“Of course,” Kuroo snapped his attention back to him. The third year’s condescending smile turning a bit more genuine. “If he was talking to this completely random person for a long time and they were comfortable enough around each other, then they might’ve been what most people already consider to be dating for a while now.”

Kenma’s eyes widened marginally. Was that really why it seemed like nothing had changed. Really? The idea sounded rather anticlimactic to him but then again just as real life wasn’t easy like a game it also didn’t always make the most interesting narrative sense either.

“How would they know if they even should be dating then?” He figured that Kuroo had since found him out but the questions were still buzzing about in his mind waiting for some sort of answer.

“What makes you think I know that? If you like someone you should know. If you don’t then you don’t.”

Kenma hoped his expression was as deadly as he felt after that cryptic answer. The cheeky grin plastered on his face only served to annoy Kenma if anything.

“That didn’t help at all.” Kenma curled in on himself, hugging his knees to his chest.

“Didn’t it? Because I could’ve swore that I just made you realize your BGC on the shrimp.”

“I don’t even want to know what it is a 'BGC’ is. Do you have a serious answer or not?”

“It’s short for big gay crush. Which is what you have on shorty there. And how dare you, my advice is top notch Mr. I-can’t-deal-with-my-own-feelings.”

Kenma scowled at him. “I do not have a crush on him.”

“Pfft yeah right you don’t.”

“I don’t.”

“You do.”

“Don’t.”

“Do.”

“I do not. Stop that.” Kenma huffed tiredly.

“But you really d-”

“I don’t.”

Kuroo put up his hands placatingly. “Alright you know what, we’ll settle this. If you really want to believe that you have no romantic feelings for him then consider this,”

He ticked off each of his points as he said them. “Every time you talk with him you look like a kid on Christmas. You actually want to practice to get a better chance at going to nationals and therefore play against him. And to top it off,” Kuroo got right in Kenma’s face. “he makes you want to try and put in more of an effort with things in general. That’s something not just anyone can achieve with you.”

Kenma frowned. All that seemed like Kuroo was just exaggerating to try and prove his point. Those all had nothing to do with his and Shoyo’s relationship. He could make a sloth motivated if he really wanted to, there was nothing special about how Kenma reacted.

“You’re still in denial aren’t you?” Kuroo groaned. He ran a hand down his face. “Ok so then consider this. Imagine your life in the future with and without him in it; which is better to you?”

This was getting him nowhere. Kenma regretted initiating the conversation with the direction Kuroo had brought it in. Still, with the expectant look he was getting from the older boy he doubted he’d drop it now.

Reluctantly Kenma focused on picturing what things would be like in a week, a month, even years from now without Shoyo in it. It shouldn’t have been that big of a difference to him, that’s what Kenma tells himself but the idea of it is nothing short of…empty. It wasn’t sad by any means but the feeling of something being missing still persisted.

He must’ve made a face because Kuroo has a shit eating 'I told you so’ grin on his face that makes Kenma grimace.

“There’s your answer then.”

“Wanting him around and wanting to be with him are two completely different things.” The argument, despite its valid point, sounded weak even to his own ears but even so, Kenma still persisted.

Kuroo stared blankly at him for an unnerving amount of time before unlocking and fiddling with Kenma’s stolen phone. “You know what? Why not have you just have this discussion with the man himself? If you’re so unsure about your feelings might as well face them head on. Isn't proper communication essential to a healthy relationship?”

Kenma’s eyes widened in horror as he caught a glimpse of the screen to see Shoyo’s contact details. He quickly tried to make a grab for the phone only to have Kuroo lift it high above his head. Without a second thought Kenma climbed onto his back, reaching frantically to knock it away before Kuroo could inflict any real damage.

“Kuro- knock it off! Give it back!”

Kuroo stubbornly only held out the phone further from Kenma’s grasp. “I’ll give it back if you make the call yourself!”

“No way am I doing this! You don’t get it, Kuro-”

“What don’t I get? That you suck at admitting your feelings or you’re scared of what the shrimp will think of you afterwards?”

Kenma scowled and made sure to dig his nails into Kuroo’s arm for saying so. “Just quit it I’ll handle it myself.”

Kuroo rolled his eyes. “Oh yeah sure, that’s why you came and asked me what I thought, right?” He tried to pry Kenma off while still holding the phone at bay. The setter only tightened his grip on his best friend. He was so close to reaching it, Kenma could just barely brush against the device.

“Hello?”

Both boys froze. The smaller of the two’s eyes widened, his face going pale from the sound of his boyfriend’s voice. Kuroo managed to push Kenma off of him to land roughly onto his bed. Kenma hardly seemed to notice, his mind was somehow both in a state of panic and shutting down at the same time. Hinata kept on calling out for some kind of response but the normally calming sound only aggravated Kenma’s panic.

Kuroo shook Kenma out of his daze, holding the phone out insistently despite Kenma’s fervent refusal to take it. What was he supposed to say in this situation? 'Oh hey Shoyo I was wondering why the hell are we dating since it doesn’t feel any different from before but also I may have a crush on you which is funny since aren’t you supposed to have that happen before you start dating?’

“Kenma? Hellooo, are you there?”

Glancing up to Kuroo for some help, the third year only shrugged and gave an encouraging thumbs up. “Shoyo?” Kenma started warily. “I uh, can I ask you something?”

“Sure! What is it?”

Kenma hesitated. Though he’d been the one to ask for Kuroo’s help in the first place, he wasn’t sure if he wanted him to be there for this regardless of how it turned out. He tried to subtly ask for him to leave the room but whether Kuroo just didn’t get it or if he’d just ignored it altogether was anyone’s guess. “Uh, it has to do with…um,” Kenma made a much more obvious shooing gesture towards the door at his best friend and while it looked like he was ready to object, Kuroo reluctantly complied.

“Kenma? You ok?” Hinata asked, concerned.

He made an affirming noise, not trusting his voice just yet. The absurdity of the situation was unreal. To think that it wasn’t too long ago that Kenma’s worst worries had to do with dealing with difficult first years and not over exerting himself at practice seems so long ago now.

“Are you sure? You wanna switch to texting? I know you don’t really like phone calls.”

“No, no I’m- it’s fine, really.” Kenma sat himself in a more comfortable position as though that’d help to settle the mess of nerves he currently was. “Shoyo why… Why did you want to date me?”

The line is quiet for only a second. “I love you Kenma, so I want to be with you. What other reason do I need?”

The way the blunt statement warmed Kenma down to his core is definitely new. They’d said 'I love you’s plenty of times before but now it felt entirely different. Where before it’d felt like a formality and something that was expected of them since they were dating, it now felt like something precious that Kenma wanted to treasure and hope to repeat over and over again and never get sick of it.

It’s the first time ever since he’d impulsively agreed to date him that Kenma’s felt so giddy and eager to agree with Shoyo. It’s a late revelation, but the fact remains that above all what Kenma really liked and wanted was to make Shoyo happy is no less of a shock, even though it shouldn’t be.

He has to bite back a sappy smile just to get back on track. “Yeah, ok, but why do you like me so much? You could probably be dating someone who’s a lot more fun and lively than me,” the same feeling from before about even the prospect of someone else dating Shoyo returns and Kenma has to lay down in an attempt to ignore it.

“What? Why would you say that? I love you because you’re you Kenma. I love everything about you, I don’t want anyone else.”

He’s playing with a loose thread on his hoodie to distract himself as he thinks of a response. A hesitant Shoyo makes it so he doesn’t have to.

“Don’t… Kenma, don’t you feel the same? That you like me and…”

There’s something unsettling about the pause that follows and a different kind of nerves starts up in Kenma. “Shoyo?”

“… Sorry! Um can we pick this up again later? My mom’s calling me and if I don’t do what she asks right away she can get kinda mad.”

When Kenma reluctantly hangs up the phone, the same empty feeling from when he’d pictured life without Shoyo is overwhelming.

 

* * *

 

 

If they were still just friends Kenma might have been able to just get it over with and finally message Shoyo first instead of waiting around for him to make the first move. If this is what having a crush on someone was like all this time, Kenma already had his consensus on how it felt. Then he remembers the way Shoyo would smile at him and the way he lit up about his team or volleyball or-

Kenma.

He curls in further to himself when the realization hits him. If this was how Shoyo had been feeling this whole time Kenma was more than impressed by his resilience because while it wasn’t a bad feeling, it was...complicated. It was great and terrible and a little sickening altogether with the amount of emotional whiplash he was getting.

Part of him wants to stay away and just let things unfold how they will, but that’s not what Kenma listens to. He’s already feeling sick but no matter how much medicine he takes, he already knows it won’t help. How exactly would this work? He’s still in his school uniform so the looks he gets as the doors close on his usual stop and he doesn’t make any move to get up burn into Kenma a little.

The train ride feels like it won’t ever end. Kenma’s already had to turn off his phone when an onslaught of messages from Kuroo had begun rolling in so the ride is more boring and even lonely in a way that by the time he finally gets off the nerves have since subsided.

Kenma ignores the dozens of messages that he’s neglected to so much as even open and looks up the directions to where he wants to go.

An hour and a half later he finds himself lost and forget nerves about Shoyo this is a thousand times worse.

Kenma must have checked the directions a hundred times already but where it was telling him to go next was nowhere in sight. There wasn’t a possibility that he’d taken a wrong turn somewhere right? Another ten minutes of blindly wandering around and Kenma finally admits defeat by sitting down on the roadside.

 _To: Shoyo_  
_Could you help me for a bit?_  
_I’m lost._  
  
By the time on his phone Shoyo should still be in school. Kenma doesn’t want to bother him since that’d just defeat the purpose of coming in the first place but Shoyo’s the only person he knew in the area. He just hoped that he’d pick up and wouldn’t avoid him like they seemed to be doing lately. To think that their daily conversations would so easily have been stopped hopefully only for the time being was the worst.

Things sure were turning out terrible for him already. Just what did Kenma expect anyway? He’d come to Miyagi and sweep Shoyo off his feet and they’d for once feel like a full blown couple? He hadn’t even gotten a response to his plea for help and it wasn’t like Kenma could blame him. Looking back on their last conversation he’d beaten himself up about not properly dispelling any doubt Shoyo had when Kenma had questioned their relationship. Did they even still have a relationship?

“What are you doing?”

Kenma startled at the sudden voice. Who the he-

When he glanced through his fringe Kenma could feel his heart stutter. Had this been what he’d felt the whole time they’d been dating? From how he was reacting, Kenma was surprised Shoyo hadn’t thrown up from the feeling, then again he might’ve and just not told him so. His chest feels both tight and warm at the same time as he fully took in the boy before him.

The blurry selfies and fuzzy webcam videos didn’t do Shoyo justice. The boy is the same but oh so much better. He’s real and even as he stares at questioningly at Kenma not yet recognizing him, he can clearly see how energy and something else is practically radiating off him. His red hair is brighter than the photos ever made it appear and a grin that does still make Kenma’s insides knot up uncomfortably but the difference this time is that he doesn’t mind it so much now.

Shoyo tilts his head as he continues to stare at him but Kenma can’t be bothered to feel restless because of it. He can see the realization hit him like it’s in slow motion. The over the top shocked face that Shoyo makes pulls a gentle smile from Kenma. Before Kenma could even open his mouth to say anything, he’s being silenced by the weight of his (hopefully still) boyfriend tackling him to the ground and messily locking his lips with Kenma’s.

It hurts. His head knocks hard enough on the pavement for him to be sure a bump will probably form. It's messy but oh god does it feel right. It doesn’t even occur to Kenma right away that this is his first kiss- _their_ first kiss.

Just like that though the moment ends when Shoyo pulls back with a wet pop. His face is flushed and somehow Kenma can tell that his already messy hair is even more in a state of disarray than normal.

“Y-you- oh my god Kenma?!”

Kenma’s voice doesn’t want to cooperate and it reminds him of when he’d accepted Shoyo’s confession. So just like then, Kenma bites down on his now swollen lower lip to suppress his smile and he nods.

“You’re… you’re here! I don’t- how are you here? I don’t…” Shoyo’s ear to ear grin diminishes a bit. “I thought you… You didn’t…”

“Um, Shoyo?” He’s not really thinking things through- he doesn’t need to. After all the contemplating he’s done from the last time Kenma spoke to him, that’s the last thing he needs to solidify his feelings for Shoyo. “About what I asked the other day, I wanted to tell you something if you could listen?”

Shoyo nods. His nerves are clear as the blush on his face.

Kenma doesn’t exactly have a plan for what he wants to say to him but he knows perfectly well what kind of feelings he wants to convey. He pulls himself up a bit underneath Shoyo so that Kenma’s face is once again mere centimeters away from his. He doesn’t really know what to do with his hands so they rest tentatively gripping onto the bottom of Shoyo’s uniform shirt. Kenma’s heart is hammering so hard in his chest he’s sure that Shoyo can feel it if he can’t already hear it.

“I… if I’m being honest, I didn’t really understand what the point of us dating was since it didn’t feel like anything really changed but,” Kenma ignores the heat in his cheeks and leans forward just enough to rest his forehead against Shoyo’s. They're now close enough that Kenma could feel Shoyo’s warm breaths fanning over his face. He _really_ wants to kiss him again. “When I thought about not being able to talk to you everyday like we had been or someone else dating you I um, I couldn’t stand it.”

He could already feel his face burning from his honesty. It wasn’t often that Kenma was that straightforward with his feelings let alone to the person that was their cause. But if he doesn’t get this out now Kenma could already feel himself withdrawing from the topic and brushing it off as nothing.

“Can you say it?”

Shoyo’s head is lowered as he asks this. In the seconds of silence that Kenma allows to follow though it seems that he’s grown tired of waiting for him to answer and Kenma suddenly finds himself at the receiving end of a scarily empty stare that he hadn’t even known Shoyo was capable of making.

“Say..?” For another moment Kenma’s lost on what Shoyo wants for him and when he realizes what it is he’s unable to figure out how it is he knows, but he just does. “I love you, Shoyo.”

When Kenma sent home later that day he can’t be bothered to feel that bad about missing school and practice. He does feel just a little bad that he’d gotten Shoyo in trouble for accidentally skipping out on his own afternoon classes and after school practice though. Not that the wide blinding smile Shoyo gives him as they part ways makes him think his boyfriend ( _definitely_ not ex) doesn’t regret it in the least either.

When questioned the next day at morning practice where he was, Kenma ends up making Yamamoto cry by saying he’d gotten not only his first but all the way to his tenth kiss during his disappearance.

  
**Anonymous asked: 5. are you dating anyone right now? (not like I don’t know lololol >3> ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤)**

**applepii: i know it's you shoyo. (love you too <3)**

 

**Anonymous asked: <3**

**littlegiant10: <333333333333 AFSFDGFDGNHNG,HJKH AHHH I LOVE YOU TOO!!! SO SOS SOSOOOOOOOO MUCH!!!**

 

**Author's Note:**

> if this sounds a bit ooc its bc its based off of something that happened to me and yeah i did say more or less the same thing i wrote for kenma here when he was asked how he wanted to be asked out
> 
> but hey ya know what sometimes you just gotta write entirely for you and i wasnt having a great day so i finally decided to edit and post this
> 
> thanks for reading!!


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